red flags

There are an abundance of red flags which will help to assist a person discern if he or she is dealing with a narcissist. This list identifies some significant ones. The narcissist will assert the he or she has been victimized by: •Family •Exes •Coworkers •Teachers •Therapists Feels: •No regrets •No compassion •No remorse •No contrition •No joy •No happiness •No sympathy •No guilt •No empathy Does Feel: •Anger •Rage •Anxiety •Emptiness •Sadness •Confusion •Envy •Angst •Contentment •Curiosity •Excitement •Shame due to perception of others Wants to be treated with: Consideration Respect Sensitivity Admiration Adoration Maladaptive Coping Mechanism Utilized: Silent treatment Ghosting Projection Rationalization Denial Lies Insinuations Comparing SO to others Triangulation Hypocrisy: Do as I say; do not do as I do. The narcissist does what he wants to do, when he wants do it, with whomever he wants to do it with. Hypocrisy Boulevard is one way street. Spoils Birthdays and Holidays: The narcissists creed-- "if I a am not the center of attention, I am going be throw "a wet blanket" over the event." Job and Relationships: short-term and highly tempestuous--there will be no shortage of drama, trauma, and chaos. Texts and Phone Calls: When the narcissist calls or texts, the SO better respond without delay. On the other hand, when the SO calls or texts the narcissist, the narcissist will get to it when he gets to it. Apologies: None given as the significant other (SO) is always at fault. The narcissist has no regrets, feels no remorse/contrition, and admits to no vulnerabilities. Favorite Defenses: •blame shifting •projection •deflection •silent treatment Intimacy: Post love bombing phase, the narcissist finds intimacy to be... •vile •repulsive •repugnant Displaying emotions is a sign of... •weakness •pathetic behavior •childish behavior Frequently has financial woes... •not apt to repay loans •forgets wallet •vanishes when check arrives •will assert the SO will get paid back in the future Narcissist does not discuss relationship history: Often prefers SO's who are... •honest •trustworthy •monogamous •decent •caring Often prone not to be faithful •one night stands •hook ups with strangers •if somatic narcissist will hook up for revenge and w/o being selective Narcissist does not introduce his SO to... •family •friends •coworkers •classmates Cell Phone Habits: •takes phone to bathroom •always places phone face down •does not leave phone out when it's being charged •tells SO not to text but rather email •has multiple email and texts addresses •turns ringer off/leaves phone on silent mode •speaks to people so that he can not be heard •has more than one phone •frequently checking phone •constantly making remarks about SO doing sneaky things with his or her cell phone MIA: narcissist simply vanishes for periods of time with allegedly plausible explanations for the absence. Unreachable for stints of time: the narcissist can not be reached, but always has allegedly plausible reasons for his periods of "radio silence." Secret Porn Habits: if SO is accused of having a porn habit. The narcissist has a porn habit. Wants to Live Together Quickly: this a way to expedite the NT (neurotypical) SO to emotionally vest 100% a quickly as possible. Intense disdain for true self which is considered... •weak •unlovable •inept •worthless •clingy •less than •too emotional When angry with SO, will accuse SO of being... •weak •unlovable •inept •worthless •clingy •less than •too emotional Physical Intimacy ASAP: •comments made about hyper sexuality •discussions about additional people involved in sexual escapades ••testing technique ••generate allure •will discuss pushing boundaries sexually -- eager to try new things •sex often is ace card to expedite the NT SO's emotional vesting Computer Habits Suspect: ••not allowing SO to see what is on screen ••history is cleared after narcissist uses ••multiple email addresses ••dating sites ••social media hook ups ••computer is apparently a boon for narcissistic supply ••hovers when SO using computer ••asking SO passwords but not providing same ••puppet accounts *narcissists not aware SOs cousin or friend knows narcissist by as both narc and SO using different names; 3 degrees of separation. •Vagueness about past relationships. •Narcissist vacillates between grandiose self-perception and self loathing. •Finances often in poor shape. •Very few, if any, close friends. •Multiple abortions; multiple children with different mothers. •Expensive gifts and holidays. •Vagueness ••schools attended ••graduation dates ••awards received ••programs took part in •"Deep thinker ploy." If narcissist staring out window trying to demonstrate he or she is in "deep thought mode," this is often a form over substance maneuver. •Narcissist more likely thinking about how to secretly obtain supply than thinking about some moral and ethical dilemma. •Spends a great deal of time at SO's residence and not vice-versa. Narcissist apt to go his or her primary residence for side hook ups. •Narcissist prone to question SO regarding betrayals and intentions... this means narcissist may very well have bad intentions and a history of betrayal. •Narcissist can not take criticism; one can't disagree with narcissist